what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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