Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
