wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
