Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
