You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
