I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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