I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
