mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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