Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
