Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
