She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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