I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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