nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
