good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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