i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
