shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
