That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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