I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
