is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can't put those talents on a resume
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
