i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
