my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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