dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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