Screwed.edu
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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