I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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