all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
