you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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