what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
