Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
