Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You are the jesus of drinking
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
