the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
