do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
