if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
