Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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