he was CRYING into my vagina
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
