Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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