Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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