Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
