Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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