I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
