a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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