I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
