Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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