my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
