Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize