I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
