If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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