I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
