before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
