guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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