i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
