i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
