Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
