We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
