it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
